I never thought I would be a screamer

Whenever I am watching a horror film and a woman is screaming while being chased by some maniac, not to cast aspersions on bipolar i.e. manic depressives since the patients I used to see when I worked at Scripps Clinic Dept. of Psychiatry would sooner buy a Jaguar during a manic state than kill someone, but maybe those were mild cases or rich bipolars don't kill, have you ever noticed how serial killers are always portrayed as lower middle class or poorer, rarely affluent? Even in American Psycho, um SPOILER ALERT in case you still haven't seen it, he didn't even end up being a serial killer.

Back to the woman screaming (who's the manic one now?!), or she'll scream when someone jumps out at her, I always think to myself that I probably wouldn't scream. When I get slightly scared by something I usually mutter, "Crap!" If truly horrified, I might cry or whimper, but a scream would get caught in my throat. I think I have this perception due to life experiences where I've bitten back the pain and fear, quietly.

This morning I was in the shower and I let out a what some would consider a B-movie actress scream, if not better. I have been told I have a movie-worthy scream as evidenced in this video (1:30) from my honeymoon. This was not a 'I dropped the shampoo bottle on my toe' yell or a 'spider in the shower' scream, which I don't do. Ahi even ran in to check on me, which is highly irregular since he never hears me yell for him when I'm in the shower despite the dinkiness of our apt. This is what I told him:
     "I was thinking about last night, when you left me to go to my car. [joking objection] There was this guy walking behind me and he was real shady. There was a truck next to my car, so I couldn't see where he went. When I got in my car, I locked it and as I was backing up, there he was, on the other side of the truck, just looking at me. [Like the guy from the movie. Ahi makes slasher motions and sounds] Then your stupid cat jumped all the way up on the towel bar and scared me!"

Here's some background as to why such a trusting, overly trusting even, soul as myself would get paranoid about some guy walking behind me in a moderately lit and full parking lot at 10p.m. Last night we watched a sneak preview of I Saw the Devil. I found it amusing how San Diego Asian Film Foundation kept sending warning e-mails about the violent, graphic, and gruesome nature of the film. It was even more amusing when we get to the Landmark and per usual there were a lot of old people. Let me tell you, old people are almost as bad as small children in a movie. They talk, they are cranky, they smell, they cough incessantly, and did I mention they smell? I didn't complain that they eat their popcorn loudly because I am guilty of that same crime.

Oh and speaking of movie theater offenses, my phone went off when I got a text, so it wasn't like a full on ring, but still embarrassing. I want to know why the iPhone doesn't turn off. I turned it off at the top, but it still came on. Another thing, my fat face always hits the mute button, I wish I could move those buttons around. Yes, I know I can switch over to the keypad, but why do I want to say, "hold on, I have to switch over to the keypad, so my fat face doesn't mute me." And that's really what I say when I do it. I didn't think there was a true silent mode, but I just think I figured out that the top button above the ringer volume is the silent mode. I always thought it was a lock button so you don't accidentally butt dial. Basically, I use my iPhone to text, occasionally check e-mail, use apps, and go online. I hate using it as a "phone." 

So this movie was about a serial killer and the limits of revenge. It was really gruesome, in a good way. Basically, as with most serial killer movies, unsuspecting females along the side of the road get taken for a ride and the end is their end. Choi Min-Sik excels at playing the psychopath in this film. Previouly he was good at playing bad even when playing the hero in Old Boy. I loved how Lee Byung-hun rocked a leather hoodie the whole movie. There were a couple of excellent cinematographic transitions and the score was paced well. I always enjoy the fluid way Korean movies can metamorphose from delicate almost fairy tale notes to the heavy handed tracks of suspense sequences, often marking the change as if taking us through the day, from light to dark.

After the movie, we were at Rubio's and a female quartet of obvious Comic Con devotees sat at the table next to us. Speaking of Comic con, we still haven't bought our tix and of course Solana Beach Tri falls on the same weekend again, which we are volunteering for on Saturday, when all the good panels are usually scheduled.  Anyway, they were talking about the film. One girl said that she was now even more paranoid about her car breaking down. Her friend retorted that she didn't have to worry they weren't in Korea. I didn't know if she was being ironic or if she was really that stupid. Girls are getting attacked at SDSU on an alarmingly regular basis lately, and I'm not talking drunken frat/sorority party date rape. My coworker keeps warning me since I often stay as late as 8pm. OK, no, these local incidents are probably not examples of serial killers in their infancy, but there is definitely danger in America. And even though I realize this on a practical level, on a Samaritan level my first instinct is to think about stopping to help.

I often see kids (cuz I'm so old now) going to the bus stop in front of our apt on their way to State and if it's a girl I'll ask if she wants a ride, if it's a guy, I do think about asking, but usually check myself. Even as a little girl, I've always wanted to help strangers. I remember when I was probably 5 or 6 years old and there was a man looking under the hood of his car at my apt, I was probably on my way to my bus stop and I asked him if he needed help and that my Grandpa was a mechanic. I know I was being a precocious little kid and his would not be a good ploy to kidnap a child, but I was so trusting. Maybe it was the time, the era and the time in my life.  But even after horrible things happened to me that would make most people trust no one, I've remained open. Maybe when I lost trust in family, those close to me, I had nothing else but the world to believe in. 

Even with all the horror films and crime shows I watch, I still don't see killers in people. It's only after the encounter that I rethink my judgment. I'd like to think God is watching out for me or that He has given me the gift of sensing character. I couldn't choose the people who hurt me in my past, but everyone I've garnered willingly and lovingly throughout my life have proven to be worthy.

Maybe the girl meant that her friend wasn't Korean, so she didn't have to worry. Not to be mean, but these girls shared nothing in common with the willowy victims other than paleness of skin, but not the clarity. But they did get me thinking and walking to my car alone in the dark was not the thing I wanted to do after that. I'm also the girl that would fret about the other person, even a man, walking to their car after they walked me to mine. Had I been with a girlfriend, being as protective as I am, we probably would have walked to my car and I would have driven her to hers.

I am in no way chastising Ahi. It actually surprised me since he normally would walk me to my car. Maybe he thought that since his car was only one lot over that it would not be a big deal. And normally this would probably be true. Even if it had been another type of horror film like House of 1000 Corpses, which is one horror film that actually upset me while watching it, but only because it was unrelenting and the ending, which I wont to give away in case you haven't seen it. I don't think of the murderers in movies like 1000 Corpses and Texas Chainsaw Massacre as serial killers, but I guess due to the quantity they are. Those types of murders don't frighten me as much because I don't intend to go to some backwoods town, I won't even go to Idaho or Arkansas where my best friends live since they don't live in metropolitan areas. Essentially, their lunacy doesn't make sense. Logical insanity scares me more.

I shouldn't have joked so loudly that he was letting me walk to my car alone. When the guy started walking behind me and I saw Ahi's back retreating as I turned around to go my way, I tried to keep calm. I opened my trunk and the guy walked past me. I put my bags in my passenger seat and thought, "Crap, this is not what you are supposed to do, you are supposed to get in your car, lock your doors, and drive away, right away." Finally, I locked my door, which I hardly ever do because I'm irrationally afraid that if I get in an accident I won't be able to get free fast enough, which is partly unreasonable since I have a convertible. But then when I backed up and saw him on the other side of the truck, I froze for a second. Even though he was just standing there smoking, which I didn't tell Ahi, why ruin the suspense in my tale of the shower scream?, it was still ominous, the way (I imagined) he was looking at me.

Thinking about that and then having a cat unexpectedly slam into the shower door as he jumps up on the towel bar, gave me a screamable fright. So, now I know. If a man jumps out of the bushes, I will probably scream, and as I'm running from him, I might continue to scream. But the question is, will it be the senseless screaming from movies or will it have reason, I don't know, like yelling, "Help!"